May 16, 2000 - Wow.. I just realized I have not posted since April 21st. I didn't mean for
it to be that long.. We went on vacation on May 8th as scheduled and had a good time
although it was pretty stressful for Chuck and I.. Alex's grandparents were more than
estatic to see him for the first time in a year.. He's grown so much... We just got home
today and everything is fine.. We were supposed to be back back yesterday but, Alex
had hives last night and since we could not figure out what they were from, we
didn't want to take a chance on him having another reaction and be on the road with-
out a hospital or Dr nearby... So, we felt it safer to stay an extra night..

May 17, 2000 - Well, I have decided to leave the Mini Gastric Bypass mailing list.. I
just found out that all of my work has been for nothing.. I have been waiting so long
for everything to get to medicaid and now that it has I can't do a damn thing with it!!
I have been crying all morning and I don't know what to do right now.. I feel as if I
have hit a titanium steel wall and I am not strong enough to break it down.. I guess I will
just have to wait for someone to lower it for me... I found Tomorrow will be 2 weeks
since Medicaid received all of my information and I just found out that Dr Rutledge
is not able to accept Medicaid, Medicare, or vocational funds right now.. I called
the office to find out more about this since a friend of mine told me and the
receptionist told me that the hospital is having financial difficulties right now and
has asked Dr Rutledge to stop accepting these because they do not pay enough to even
cover the tools used for the surgery.. I can't believe what is happening..

May 18, 2000 - Well, I am in better spirits than I was yesterday.. I had unsubscribed
from the list as I said I was going to but when I logged on today, I was still getting email
from the list.. I took this as a sign since I did not recieve email from any other list I had
unsubscribed to and I resubscribed.. I guess I am just mean to stick with the list as well
as Dr R.. Chuck and I spoke about the situation last night and neither of us trust any
other doctors to do the surgery.. So, we have a few options.. It's always nice to have
options.. We could either wait this out and hope that Medicaid denies me so that I
could appeal and maybe by the time the appeals are done and they are willing to pay,
the hospital will be in a better position and will begin accepting medicaid again
or, Chuck and I can get married, which we have been wanting to do anyways but
have put it off due to the surgery, and then I can be added to his insurance and begin
the process all over again.. There is no way we will be able to self pay as it would be
impossible to come up with $17,000.00.. But, at least we still have choices.. Just so you don't
sit there scratching your head wondering why I would want Medicaid to deny me, it's
because if they approve me and I don't use it say within 60 days, I will lose the approval
and then would not be able to apply for it again because it would prove to them that it's
not a life threatening problem and therefore is not medically necessary.. Go figure!!
BTW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! :)

May 29, 2000 - Well, I have been debating if I wanted to put this in my entries or not
and have decided to just go ahead since it's part of the reason I am so determined
to have this surgery done... We (Chuck, Alex and I) went to Chuck's grandparents
this weekend.. We left on saturday morning and arrived about 1:30 or so in the
afternoon... We sat around talking and watching the weather because there was a
bad storm coming through and we actually had a tornado warning for the county
we live in.. Someone had reported a tornado on the ground right around the corner
from where we live.. So, being the weather buff he is, Chuck decided it was best if
he went home to check things out and to make sure the animals <3 dogs and 2 cats>
were safe and sound being I was unable to reach our neighbor/landlord.. So, for
roughly 2 hours, I was a nervous wreck not knowing if the house was still there and
if my babies <animals> were ok.. Well, finally we got a call saying everything was fine..
The reason I could not get up with the landlord was because there was a very close
lightning strike and it took out a few phones as well as a tv.. So, Chuck stuck around
the house til the storms passed and was soon on his way back.. Of course, he was very
tired when he got back so he took a nap... Well, a friend of his grandmother's came over
and we <grandmother, grandfather and friend> all started talking.. I was holding Alex
and Chuck's grandmother had offered to let me sit in the chair she was sitting in. I
declined.. She offered a few more times when my back began hurting from holding
Alex so I accepted.. As soon as I started sitting down, I was very sorry I did.. My hips
were so wide that they barely fit.. The arm of the chair was actually digging into my
legs...Of course, I just sat there with a smile on my face trying to hide it as best I could
because I did not want to admit I was too fat to sit in this chair.. Of course, I guess it
was a little more obvious than I thought because his grandfather pointed at me, made
some remark about "the seat" and started laughing.. To say that I was humiliated would
be an understatement.. I littereally wished to die at that moment.. Luckily, the thought
left my mind as quickly as it came... I tried to ignore it best I could until they stopped
and then I got out of the chair as gracefully as I possibly could and went around to the
other side of the house where I just sat with Alex on my lap trying to keep from crying..
I was so embarrassed I just wanted to go home.. But, I didn't disclose this information
to anyone, to include Chuck nor did I confront the grandparents.. I don't think they really
know how much they hurt me and I have been through it so many times in my life that
I should be used to it by now.. It just hurts so bad when someone you are supposed to
look up to does it..